Diabetes of the Soul

Diabetes of the Soul

I’ve known diabetes as a serious medical disease. What was peculiar and surprising to me was that people with this condition have very slow healing process of their wounds. Consequently, worst cases never heal at all. People with diabetes become extremely cautious with cuts and injury as such complication may arise. They must refrain from getting wounded because diabetes itself has no cure.

I have met several individuals in a path we call life. One or too many are those who struggle to forgive or at least forget. I suppose they held on to their pride because they once cared, loved and trusted so much. It gives me the impression that the way they were mistreated and those who treated them wrong has been embedded in their being. In line with this matter, college taught me that pain is subjective. People have different scales of tolerating pain or, in this context, offenses and hard hitting acts. For others letting go of the hurt can happen with least delays. Yet, for some an assault leaves an indelible mark. Every now and then when we glance on these marks it gives a painful reminder. A line in a song says “Time heals all wounds…” but gradually when it heals scars still leave a permanent damage.

I am convicted that diabetes may not only be medical but psychogenic too. Just like how diabetes transcends on the human body so too with the soul – a diabetes of the soul. For diabetic souls wounds have very slow healing process too similar to its medical nature. There are wounds that need an excessive length of time to recover because it cannot follow the normal timeline.  Some may take a short amount of time and some for a lifetime. Misdeed such as betrayal, backstabbing, gossips, bullying, a throw of insults, discrimination, psychological abuse, being cheated on, and the likes merits wound in a victim’s soul.  In its severity, just like diabetes some injuries never heal at all.

People having diabetes of the soul are people who hold so much grudges and struggled to let go. Then again, they once cared so much that the fall was hard to mitigate. People with this condition are everywhere – in the neighborhood, school, office, malls, and anywhere you can think of. I am writing this article not to reinforce perpetual grievances but instead as a diagnosis. This is serious because it consumes our soul’s intricacies, it’s a disease! Maya Angelou once said “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”. From this, we are reminded of two things; first is that we be cautious on our acts to others which lasts in feelings. Second, that you may be aware that you may not have forgotten something which you must forget to attain a peaceful life (forgiveness). How often do you dwell and visit that feeling? I’m referring to that painful one. How long has the wound been there? How is the process of healing going? Any improvements?

Health is more than just not being medically sick. But in the likes of medical diabetes, is diabetes of the soul incurable too?

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Beyond the Hater’s Hate

Beyond the Hater’s Hate

Hate can mask feelings that we are truly unaware of or least conscious about. It can take several means which can go from subtle to blatant. Perhaps a more old school feel of conveying hate is seen in bullying. Basically, in old school bullies there is this bluster messing up the lives of other students. On one hand, a cyber flock of bashers predominate the modern era of the online community armed in their destructive and negative commentaries. Often, bashers adopt anonymity to strike a renowned prey – celebrities or persons with elevated profiles. Bashing may appear juvenile but with combined numbers they can burrow a victim’s esteem. There are extremities out there made of hard hitting and downgrading comments with the vilest intention just to pull that person from the social ladder. As per bullies, bashers, and whosoever with this common denominator, too often they hate and hit on others.

Back when I was in college taking up my degree in psychology I’ve found that the abovementioned descriptions is best encapsulated in a concept called “depreciation”.  Depreciation, a term from Alfred Adler’s personality theory, is a human response to protect the self against, but is not limited to, esteem threats. Esteem threats could be threats as simple as someone joining your group who is more likeable than you are to personas that are more accomplished than what you’ve done – more famous, more attractive, more skillful, more prestigious, richer, smarter, and the likes. Depreciation as an aggressive tendency urges the act of undervaluing the greater accomplishments of others in turn to elevate one’s own. It’s a way to make the person feel more favorable over to those they can compare themselves. Now, at severe costs many inclined to habitually displace their aggression to high profiled personalities in order to subconsciously subside one’s own insecurity. Thus, hating manifested in verbal, physical, and virtual means utmost merits for the label- depreciation. Hating and hitting is a reflection of a constant battle of a hater’s self-esteem. The more an individual hates on others the more it reveals the implication that some personal needs are not sufficed.  These needs could include, but is not limited to, wanting to be more confident, more affluent, more loved, more attended, more admired, to be prettier, smarter, and whatnot.  Whoever can overtake them in that particular need will become their target. In other words, the player is the hater the dart is the hate and their aim is to hit on that too damn awesome person in order to gratify and  their need. If a person’s self-esteem is well built it is then needless to be depreciative.

All the more, we all have our share of haters and so are the rest of the billions of people on this planet.  Unfortunately, it was never reported in history that hate compensated whatever was lacking on poor well-being. But by far, if ever you’re thinking on hating and hitting on someone then better check your motives. Better yet, interrogate a much deeper layer why you came to feel that way. Truth be told, hate is the common cloak of insecurity.

Taking Time To Talk

Taking Time To Talk

Nothing is as precious as time and nothing more than time well spent. Time is something that you can never turn back and noting how finite it is too. And so I ask, how can one make time worthwhile?

It is a sad truth in our society today that instead of spending time with friends, family, or loved ones, once a wi-fi connection is available we leave everything behind. Bonding is very important. Conversely, instead of spending time talking with those who are present we render extensive hours tapping our phones. Instead of physical sociability we take in virtual accounts as primary agents to socialize. Is this something we would consider worthwhile?  William Penn once said “ Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.”.

Clearly, I am not against social media, smart phones, the internet and the likes as it is a convenient tool to communicate to distant loved ones. But my far-flung concern is that we have been disproportionately spending extensive hours on it. In the realm of sustainable development, although we have developed and advanced so much through phones but the sustainability of our physical ties are quite regressing. Utmost, the use of phones is not vastly for communication’s sake but for entertainment more on.  In line with this there is a growing effect on people’s social response as I see it. Notice how irritated you are when somebody asks something  while you’re too attached on your phone doing something else? Notice how friends are seated next to each other but they don’t talk as often as they check on their updates? Notice how family members share one roof and divert their uneven attention to gaming? Notice how many children have refrained from playing physical games and are highly stimulated on touch screens? The answer is alarming. It is because we are all too time ridden with gadgets.

I live in a neighborhood where residences both left and right, front and back, own a wi-fi connection. In fact, about the majority of residents do. There’s something about a wi-fi connection that if you do not have one then you are left out of the trend. It has become society’s basic commodity. But, as per my own abode I remained old fashion – I don’t have a wi-fi connection at home. People may see this case unfortunate or pity but I can testify the benefit of it. You see, when my guests arrive basically the question would be “Do you have a wi-fi connection?” followed by “What’s the password?”. As I replied “none” to the first query I know it leads to their dismay as it renders their gadgets less useful. But the greatest thing about it and a wonderful opportunity I seize is that the only entertainment I can give them is TALK – as in sharing, confiding and expressing insights or feelings. Do we not ever miss that? Verbal entertainment.  Do we not ever enjoy hours of catching up stories in a face-to-face (no need for front cameras or data) conversations? I do miss that a lot because we never get that much talk anymore. Somehow, like the recent hit chorus line of Charlie Puth and Selena Gomez’s  collaboration, “We don’t talk anymore” , I can’t help but relate it on my present observation. We really don’t talk anymore because we keep on tapping more often.

I have an amazing deal of friends and a thing that makes it amazing is that we get to talk and laugh a lot even until dawn breaks. But the glory of that routine came to diminish when they started to have not only a data plan but touch phones units too. Entertainment and gaming became easy and accessible. Since then, it was my honest struggle to draw their eyes and ears more often than be drawn by their devices. I felt some sort of social solitary confinement in a room with physically present pals. As for my side, I simply demand nothing like what we had before – time and company. In turn, out of that little heartache I had the thought that despite the massive hours spent on gadgets I hope they will realize the value that their phones will never hug them back. Rather, it would be better if time spent on phones be reversed to the time spent with people as people can always hug back. Ring the alarm, we need to be reminded. We are far too amused with phones and applications. The number of hours spent surfing the internet has been more overwhelming than the number of hours spent actively interacting with human companions. It’s sad how much time we’ve spent but not together.

Time is a valuable emotional tool. Also, it is a fraction of a person’s lifetime and that significant people deserve that fraction too.  It is through talking that social bonds are paved and time grants us that opportunity. Talking is where the real social thing goes on. It is what makes us more than merely a bunch of virtual accounts because we are really more than that – we’re social beings. On the whole, nothing is as precious as time and nothing more than time well spent.

P.S. Drop your phone down and go talk. That will be worth it.